Why Do I Behave Differently Around Different People?

Most people who notice this about themselves feel a quiet unease about it. Like it is evidence of something dishonest or unstable in their character. They are one person at work and another at home, one version of themselves with their parents and an entirely different one with their friends and somewhere in the background there is a question they have never quite put into words. If I am all of these different people depending on who is in the room, which one is actually me?

This question is extremely valid and the answer is that none of them are entirely you — but rather they are all versions of you that have been calibrated, usually without any conscious awareness, for the particular audience in front of you.

The ego has spent years studying every room you move through and learning exactly what kind of person is valued, accepted and safe in each one. So over time it takes this data and adapts you accordingly the moment you walk through the door.

The problem is not that it happens but that most people never notice it is happening and so never ask the question that matters most underneath it. Which parts of me, across all of these versions, are actually real. What do I think, feel and want when I am not performing for anyone? Who am I when nobody needs me to be anything in particular? Those are the questions that need diving into in order to find who you truly are and lift the weight that makes you feel like you are constantly juggling characters.

These self-enquiring questions are brutal when first asked, especially to someone who sees themselves as an 'all-rounder' or a 'people person'. That may be true — but somewhere beneath the person that everyone likes is often a true version of yourself that fears the idea of being disliked so much that it is willing to hide forever.

Helping people strip back what they have been made to feel they must perform as and actually embrace who they truly are is what I do. A free twenty minute conversation is where it starts.